Do You Already Assume How the Conversation Went?
Over the last couple days I have been asking you a few questions and I am very impressed with the comments… well today I want to ask you one more question.
Have you ever avoided doing something, like talking to someone about an issue or perhaps avoided trying something new because you assumed you knew what was going to happen?
The best way I can explain it is that it is like you have already had the conversation in your head or have already performed the task out in your head and because of how your mind works (paradigms, experiances and so forth) you act out in real life as if the experiance that happened in your head was real.
Now think about that for a second and then think about the questions I have asked over the past 2 days.
- What is this all for?
- Is major failure (a slap in the face) necessary for acheiving success?
Do you see any connection between those two questions and my question about assuming outcomes?
OK, enough with the questions now… it is time for me to explain to you where I am going with this and how these all tie together for me. My hope is that by sharing this I can help some of you avoid a lot of the issues I have had to struggle with and can help you set your self up for better success.
The first thing is who are you telling lies to?
Do not take that lightly… this is something extremly important to focus on and think about. This tied directly into answering all the questions I have posted over the past few days. I look back at the past 11 years and and I truthfully say that I have told many lies… and most of them were to myself but many were also to others who were close to me.
These lies mainly focused around the question of “Who is this all for?”
I remember arguing about the fact that all the sacrifices I was making were for my family… they were for making “OUR” lives better. I tried convincing myself of this fact and would defend it adamantly to my wife and family. I did it because of the fact that I had conversations in my head of what would happen if I told the truth and what the outcome would be and I wanted to avoid that.
So what did this do… it caused me to have conflicting interests and that in return caused me to not be able to focus on the right priorities. By not focusing on the right priorities I gave mixed signals to everyone I was involved with for both my business and my personal life.
The end result of that, you guessed it…
a HUGE slap in the face!
But was this all necessary for me to succeed… where all these things needed?
Tomorrow I am going to go into more details about this and how I think a “slap in the face” in NOT necessary to success and how I “could” have avoided it and how you “can” avoid it.
Until then… whats your thoughts on this post?
Posts in this series…
- 1. What is This All For?
- 2. Do You Need a Slap in the Face?
- 3. Do You Already Assume How the Conversation Went?
- 4. Four Weeks to Answering What is This All For!
- 5. Step 1 of 4 Week Plan to Answering What is This All For
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Oh yea. Tons of times.
I’ve avoided conversations mainly because i’m too lazy to address the issue or I just don’t want to talk about it.
I hope to see your article tomorrow!
This post is quite the cliffhanger.
Yeah several times i don’t discuss my ideas with anyone before implementing because i think they will not be able to understand what i gonna do it OR i won’t be able to explain them what i am thinking in my mind OR i decide i have to do this and then i m afraid that if i tell this to anyone they may tell me that its not a great idea to go for.
Thanks for the post Cow.
I must say, it is quite refreshing to read a post that kind of focuses on another important area of business, that is ourselves. Which is, in itself, probably the most important thing that not too many focus on.
I look forward to your remaining posts on this subject.
-Shaun Cartwright
Well, this seems to be taking 2 different directions here.
After all, work and family are two different, yet important, parts of your life.
Achieving balance between the two is often difficult, especially with highly driven people (like you).
Driven people want the best for their family and their work, but the two do not always see that.
AL
You are right. I don’t know how often I have had a conversation in my mind with someone only to be surprised that when it comes to the real deal the outcome is entirely different! I guess we never know how things will play out in real life until we actually see them through.
Great post and a very honest one.
Avoiding conversations, sure! That’s so much easier than having difficult ones. I hate conflict and was a world champion at avoiding it. What happens though is the longer you wait, the tougher it is and the more stressed you get with uncertainty. Often the conversation doesn’t happen at all which might seem like being let off the hook but in fact that’s the worst because underlying issues are never resolved. Better to shine a light on it and bring it out in the open. Only then can you communicate properly.
I don’t think anyone can claim not to have lied ever, either to themselves or others. The problem arises when we find ourselves repeating the same lie over and over so much that it becomes engrained in our psyche eventually as truth and part of our belief system. I wrote just the other week a post called When enough is enough, would you even know it?. It illustrates one consequence of lying to ourselves, especially about our work and how tough it is for us – it takes away time from what and who really matters in life.
That post was my own reminder to myself to look at things I was doing that I really needn’t. You’re not alone in this. Be there, done that and still do it occasionally. But once you start seeing yourself doing it, you’re on the right road to self awareness. You can’t be honest with anyone else until you can be honest with yourself.
[...] 3. Do You Already Assume How the Conversation Went? [...]
I do this all the time, I always assume and you know what that means. I think that is the one lesson I still have not learned completely. Looking forward to next post.
Sorry forgot to subscribe to comments
Interesting serious Jason! I have been underground for a little bit and missed the start, so I am going back through so I can catch up!
I think there are times we all assume more than we should. It’s something you have to work at, and like you said, being truthful or realizing who you’re telling lies to and what about, will help you get to that point of not assuming so much.
I have done this so many times. Especially when it comes to confronting people about something. All those imaginary situations inside your head make the task impossibly difficult.
You are right. I don't know how often I have had a conversation in my mind with someone only to be surprised that when it comes to the real deal the outcome is entirely different! I guess we never know how things will play out in real life until we actually see them through.